Almost 87.63% sure of it.

I, alas, stayed here and kept the home fires burning this holiday weekend and by “kept the home fires burning” I mean obsessively played with GarageBand and laid around watching Netflix.

What did you do this weekend?

I wonder what they were for. Little helium-filled orbs of patriotism? In support of those dealing with the hurricane? A promotion for the nickel slot?

At the game, after I ate the most disgusting Subway sandwich of my entire life, my eyes scanned the crowd of fans looking for the familar sight of shaking rulers and long black viels. I didn’t find them. Something was missing. I inspected each section closely before turning to my friend and asking, “Where are the nuns?”

“They aren’t here.”

I gasp and my jaw dropped. Indignantly I said, “You brought me to a Mecury game without nuns? What is wrong with you?”

“They haven’t been here for a long time.”

Sadly, it’s true. Apparently the saintly Sisters of No Mercy are no more. Their website is shutdown and after much Googling, nothing about their departure has been discovered.

I am truly bummed. My one game a season just won’t be the same.

On Sunday, August 28th at Shalimar Country Club in Tempe, they will be hosting the Golf & Give Annual Tournament. It’s sure to be a hoot and a half especially since the beer cart starts when the tee times do.

PS – Speaking of Charity Chicks, I offer this.

The back story is my roommate and I have had a family share plan (that’s in her name) for an eternity and we recently decided to end that arrangement. So I figured if I’m going to get my own account, I might was well get a phone number that reflects my area code…the 480. For whatever reason, when we got our phones, we were dished out 602 numbers.

I should have just kept the 602 number. The previous owner of my number had it as recently as April if not since then. After having this number for only a month, I have received numerous calls from businesses looking for her. A caterer, a pesticide service, an employee agency, a loan officer…they all want a piece of “Wendy” but instead get me. I can’t wait until the ex-boyfriends and collections agencies start phoning.

I usually just let these calls go to voicemail — I rarely answer my phone if I don’t recognize the number — however these callers just aren’t getting the hint when they hear my voice on the greeting and not Wendy’s.

So this is the price I pay for wanting to be in the 480. Oh well, at least it’s not the 623. *shudders*

This displeases me greatly.

“Should federal law be expanded to include violent crimes based on gender identity, thus allowing the FBI to track transgender violence?”

Violence against transgender people happens more often than you may realize. Usually the mainstream media ignores these crimes and sadly most cases are often left unsolved. I can recall at least three murders in the last few years. As far as I know, they are still unsolved.

“It’s a combination…of Asian…and Mexican,” they say gingerly.

I had the same reaction before my first visit, but I quickly noted it was the first time everyone in our office was excited about going to the same restaurant for lunch. It’s a rare occurrence when everyone is happy to go somewhere so I figured, there must be something good going on here.

First-time visitors are encouraged to step over to the tasting station where a friendly employee will serve you samples along with a description of the various dishes so you can make an informed decision. Sometimes I pretend like I’m a Chino’s virgin, just so I can taste some of menu I haven’t ordered previously.

With your order, you get a cookie. A snickerdoodle! I like to think of it as a cinnamony/sugary reward for placing your order.

Even the soda fountain is divine with it’s bounty of carbonated choices extending past the usual six offerings. I mean, c’mon: Diet Pink Grapefruit Sobe! Now there’s variety.

But it’s really the food that sets Chino Bandido’s a part. If you like unusual spicy food, this is the place to go. Starting with the Jerk Fried Rice and the Cuban Black Beans and working your way to the Emerald Green Chicken, Carnitas and Jade Red Chicken, the food is tasty, unusual and very satisfying. Those with a delicate stomach needed worry. They offer a few plain jane, yet still tasty fare for you.

*I’m seriously thinking of offering my services as a web beautician** to every restaurant I like in exchange for free meals. I mean seriously…there is absolutely no need for the font “Beesknees” to be anywhere on the internet. And to top it off…it moves! Oy! I have to steady myself on the furniture now.

**Yeah, don’t look at my blog as an example for my work. It’s lame and scaled back on purpose.

“Oh! It’s your free one!” exclaimed my barista.

Sipping my drink while walking towards the bakery, I noticed that not only does the receipt say how many drinks you have purchase toward your next free one, but it always states what free one you are working towards, such as, “YOU HAVE PURCHASED 2 OF 7 TOWARD YOUR 4TH !! FREE STARBUCKS!!”

Not being a math whiz without the assistance of a calculator, I asked my friend, “What’s eight times eight?”

“Sixty-four.”

I thought for a moment. “What’s sixty-four plus eighty?”

He thought for a moment. “One hundred forty-four.”

I smiled and held my cup high. “This is my one hundred forty-fourth iced tea*,” I said, “…purchased from Starbucks in Safeways.”

A twelve-step program is in my future. This I am sure.

*I should mention I hate coffee. I only drink iced tea at Starbucks. That probably makes it all that more disturbing.