Since a nice breeze swept through the Valley today and cleared the air a bit, and it was such a beautiful sunny day with just the right temperature for going on a hike in the middle of the day, I decided to go on one of my favorite urban hikes.

I like doing the occasional hike up Squaw Peak or Camelback, but there are lots of lesser known hikes around the Phoenix Mountain Preserve that offer equally impressive city views and a good workout without the crowds. One that I like doing when I’ve only got 40 minutes and don’t want to scramble over rocks is to take a walk on 36th Street north of Lincoln Drive. I park at the Palo Christi Presbyterian Church at the corner of 36th Street and Lincoln, cross over Lincoln, and walk north on 36th Street. It winds up through a neighborhood with some incredible homes and then goes into the Preserve. The road is pretty steep most of the way and gets your blood pumping. But the view of the city once you’re at the top is very impressive. The walk is about 2 miles roundtrip.

And if you don’t want to walk, you can also drive to the top to catch the view. This view of the Valley is worth checking out and is a well kept secret – there is rarely anyone else around.

The motor vehicle department has to be the biggest carpetbagging state run state legal organized crime scheme ever. Did anyone see the news report a few months ago where they filmed MVD employees taking like 15 smoke breaks a day? Sleeping in their cars during breaks, etc? Certain employees at certain offices were wasting upwards of 1 hr and 15 minutes per day of your tax dollars!.

Fast forward to this morning. I just bought a beater vehicle and needed to get the title in my name. I get on the 60 and proceed to get stuck in a 20 minute backup due to construction, plus my exit is closed! Blood pressure now = blood pressure + 20. I finally get to the office (of which only 2 in Maricopa county are open on Saturday) and find it CLOSED due to the holiday on MONDAY! Blood pressure = blood pressure + 20 again. Finally getting back home I proceed to fling open the front door and yell out to the dogs and my girlfriend that the entire mass of the MVD can kiss my ass. Who the F gets to take a holiday on Saturday when the actual holiday is Monday?! Even the USPS was working today! I was so livid my hands were shaking and I had to go outside and swing an axe at a tree I was going to remove this weekend.

After about 20 whacks, I hopped back onto the MVD website and found tucked away in a corner their holiday schedule. Then I found a link titled “Authorized 3rd Party Vendors”. Hmm.. click.. wait.. SWEET! They have upwards of 40 3rd party locations that perform certain MVD functions (for an additional fee of course). One in Mesa is open ’til 8pm on Saturday, and 6pm on Sunday! Wait time? 15 minutes. Additional fee? $6 for a new title, making the total fee $10. The staff? Helpful. Since they are a for profit organization they have the motivation to actually be friendly and helpful, all while sitting behind 1/2″ thick bulletproof glass of course. The best part besides the convenience? Not having to smell MVD Matilda’s smoky breath and hear her raspy voice as she grumpily says “Sign here, here and here”.

What a crappy day up to that point. I was quickly cheered up however, when I found a nice croquet set for $6 and a WW2 Germany large wooden first-aid chest for $20 at my local thrift shop.

I love to walk along Central. The best is between Bethany Home and Dunlap. It’s actually an old horse path. This morning we walked from Bethany Home to Hayward and back. It’s about 3 miles or so.

It’s so nice to see the houses and the trees. All of the other joggers, walkers and dog walkers are always friendly and say “Good Morning!” Sometimes it’s easy to forget you’re in Phoenix with the varied architecture.

We always park at the church on the SE corner of Bethany Home and Central. It’s actually a park and drive location. It’s so funny that the church is the North Phoenix Baptist Church. Imagine, Bethany Home and Central used to be North Phoenix!

Anyway, some Saturday or Sunday morning when the weather’s nice, i.e., before it’s 100 degrees, get some physical activity by taking a walk on Central and enjoy the scenery!

We leave tomorrow for Hawaii and it’s exciting and all but it’s not so bad here. We were discussing this last night as we sat in a hot tub, bathed in moonlight and surrounded by palm trees. It’s kind of like a vacation from a vacation, you know? Every time I get annoyed with the increased traffic during the snow bird season, I change my mind and just feel sorry instead for the poor folks who don’t get our amazing weather this time of year. I can take 3 or 4 months of intense heat easily if I get to have this amazing envy-inducing weather the rest of the year.

are you watching your scary movie tonight?

I always wonder if Blockbuster gets a run on them on nights like tonight.

I’m pretty sure it’s been nearly 5 months since someone mentioned that place, so I’m just doing my duty and bringing it up again since we ate there tonight. Yum. I have to admit that it had to grow on me, because I don’t like rice or uh, vegetables, but once I discovered that you can have things on noodles (like Kung Pao chicken), I started getting these cravings for it. They have good food; go eat there.

But they have three other things I like in a restaurant too. Non-smoking inside, patio with misters and HEATERS outside, and tables that are incredibly close together. I’m guessing that’s to give you the Asian feel of tight spaces with cool decor, but maybe they’re just trying to get more people in there. Either way, I like the tables close together.

Why?

Well, I have a confession to make. I’m a closet eavesdropper. I guess now I’m a publicly confessed eavesdropper. It’s not like I listen ON PURPOSE, but when someone says some random thing and they’re sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME, how can I help but ovearhear them?

Especially when it’s some bizarre fragment of a conversation that makes no sense otherwise. I can’t help it, I’m just fascinated by that stuff. It always makes me want to write and make up stories. (See? And it worked, because here I am writing.)

So uh, go to Pei Wei. And say something fascinating and attention-grabbing while you’re eating.

I just got the best haircut from the Toni & Guy at Fiesta Mall. I know it’s good because I can’t fix it by myself and it only looked good immediately after leaving the salon. I have low expectations for Fiesta Mall, but this haircut was redeeming. Typically, I loathe the mall, but I have a ranking system for all mallish shopping areas that allows me to rate how dressed up I need to get to wander around according to how self confident I’ll need to feel. Basically, it dictates that I will patronize Target and Payless 95% of the time due to laziness in hygiene and dress and an inability to separate myself from the feeling that I am being judged by 16-23 year old girls.

For instance, Fiesta Mall ranks near the bottom, as it is filled mostly with preteen gangsters, wannabe strippers and the elderly. I can wear mismatched clothes and no makeup and shop freely. Only Arizona Mills ranks lower on the ratings scale. I mean, have you smelled the JC Penny outlet? So disappointing. Chandler Fashion Center ranks a little higher, as I feel my clothes need to match and I need a modicum of makeup that is well applied so that the ladies at the Clinique counter don’t gossip about my poor use of eyeshadow as I pass by. Scottsdale Fashion Square is higher still, where my purse must at least be coordinated with my outfit and my hair in place, else I get stared down as if I shouldn’t be within 20 feet of a Louis Vuitton. Biltmore Fashion Park guarantees that I will need to look clean and classic, as if I stepped out of a Banana Republic catalogue (because even in my comparisons I shop at the discount store instead of Prada) or appropriately funky (but not skanky funky) like Betsey Johnson.

I need to create my own mall. A mall that is comprised entirely of a giant room with piles of clothes just lumped all over everywhere and electronics stacked in pyramids and assorted kinds of makeup tossed in giant bins and shoes tossed willy-nilly. And to get in to the mall you have to change into the required uniform which is a zip up one piece grey jumpsuit and you’ll be provided with slippers and a shopping cart. And someone will sell hotdogs and soft drinks and maybe pretzels but definitely not ponytails of fake hair.

I was recently browsing eBay for Wal-Mart giftcards to see if I can pick up a bargain and save a few (read $20+) on a large purchase I want to make there. Turns out, in fact, that some people actually pay MORE THAN FACE VALUE for Wal-Mart giftcards on eBay. Go figure! There’s one for $25 that I saw yesterday with bids to $26.50. I’ve found most giftcards end within a few dollars of face value, so where’s the bargain?. Seriously folks, why would one take the risk of buying a GC on eBay if you’re only saving a dollar two ninety eight. A fraudulent seller could easily collect money from you, mail you the card, but then use the GC code on Wal-Mart.com and now you’re SOL. The whole thing is baffling to me. I think I’ll just pay full price.

The latest rage that is sweeping the country is about to hit Arizona – “Hands Free” Cell Phone legislation. What this means is that you would be required to have a speakerphone installed in your car or to use a headset in order to talk on the phone while driving. Emergency personnel and commercial truck drivers conducting legitimate business would be exempt.

In terms of laws that interfere with personal liberties, this one is pretty close to the top of my list of laws that make me angry. First of all, I am not convinced that scrambling around to find your headset in order to answer a call while driving is less dangerous than just picking up the phone and putting it to your ear. Second, it’s just as distracting to eat or smoke while driving as it is to use one hand to talk on your cell phone. Finally, I spend a lot of time in DC for work where a “Hands Free” law has been in place for about a year now. The DC city council is notorious for coming up with new revenue generating schemes, so I’ve always assumed that was the intent of the “Hands Free” law there. But I have yet to see a study showing a significant decrease in the number of accidents or road rage incidents as a result of such laws. I know I’m experiencing just as much road rage myself, because unfortunately “Hands Free” laws don’t eliminate stupid drivers!

Hopefully the Arizona legislature will have more common sense than other states and strike down this ridiculous piece of legislation.

I have given up. I was in denial, but recent experiences have confirmed my worst fears. I cannot find good Japanese food here in the valley. I can find dim sum that satisfies (C-Fu Gourmet) and pretty good Korean (Koren BBQ) but there is no Japanese. I have tried all the suggestions and it is getting depressing. I still had hope even after talking to a long time resident and Japanese national. I asked him where I could find good Japanese food and he sighed, the saddest most heartbreaking sigh and shook his head. No way, I thought and continued. He sighed again. He suggested that I might like X in the east valley, but really there is nothing. It was a small hope, but I clung to it. We have just returned from X (name omitted) and I now understand that sigh. If you could see my face…