I get the feeling that kids were somehow trucked into the neighborhood last night to amass these gigantor stashes of candy, only to turn around and sell it this week in the grocery store parking lot. I drove into my neighborhood around 9:45 last night and spied remnants of eggs and candy wrappers and assumed that the trick-or-treaters had left the streets since I didn’t see anybody out. But then a huge truck passed me with little kids hanging out the back of it that probably had to get up early for 2nd and 3rd grade this morning. And then another truck passed me with more little kids hanging out the back. I pulled into the garage and shut the door. Our porch light was out, but our garage lights are on an automatic timer. I figured that the late night truckloads wouldn’t ring the bell since the porch light was off. Isn’t that like some unwritten rule of courtesy? If you don’t feel like participating you turn off the porch light so kids don’t waste their time? And if you’re trick-or-treating and don’t see a light on, you don’t go up and bang on the door and bother the people that may or may not be home?

Well, no joke, 15 minutes hadn’t even passed when the doorbell rang and kids were talking outside and knocking on the door. I peered through the kitchen window and saw, again, no joke, the last truck that had passed me that was waiting for the kids in front of my house.

I loved trick-or-treating as a kid. Our dad would pull a Radio Flyer wagon full of iced down beer around with the other dads as they chaperoned us around the neighborhood. I enjoy giving out candy when I’m home. Heck, I even participated in a door decorating contest at work yesterday, complete with dry ice. I like Halloween! But it REALLY BOTHERS ME when parents and kids have absolutely no manners or sense of social norms (okay, maybe they’re my social norms, but still). Don’t keep your kids out at 10pm on a school night when they’ve probably been out since 6pm. Two hours is plenty of time to get enough candy if you do it correctly. If you don’t see any other people out on the street, take a hint and figure it’s time to pack it in also. Teach your kids not to bang on doors and ring doorbells millions of times when there are no lights on in or outside of the house or better yet, don’t encourage it!

Etc. I’m stopping now. Ack. Happy Haloween, y’all.

Sincerely,
AB Crankypants

PS: This article is most likely addressing the kids that showed up at my house