So what kind of Asian are you?
I cannot believe how many times I have been asked this question here. The questioners seem nice and sincere. Their question genuine and without malice. But each time I hear it it stings.
So what kind of Asian are you?
Do White people ask each other what kind of White people they are? Or do they find out family names and infer from that, or can they tell by looking? What about Blacks?
So, what kind of Asian are you?
I never know how to answer that. Do I give the one word answer – mixed? Or the whole class-order-family-genus-species thing? Because I am a part of an Asian diaspora that does not resemble our cousins in the old country. If I gave the one word answer, they would not be closer to understanding who I am. And I hope that is the purpose of the question.
So, dude, what kind of Asian are you!?!
I am the sticky rice kind. Err, the sticky rice kind that Japanese or Koreans usually eat, not the kind that Thais eat. I am the kind that only goes to the temple on New Years Day (round midnight). I am told this is like E & C Catholics or Jews that do not eat pork but know this great recipe. I am the kind that worships Johnny To but have to see his movies with English sub-titles. I am the kind that can tell if you are speaking Hindi, or Ilocano, or Bahasa, or Japanese, or Korean, or Thai, or Russian, or French. And I am the kind that is so fricking grateful to have found Lee Lee Oriental Supermarket in Chandler.
So, uh, what kind of Asian is that?
Next time someone asks you that, tell them you’re “Funkasian”. It’s a term I coined for a style of interior decorating that my girlfriend likes, but they won’t know that. I must say it was pretty clever on my part, gave myself a good laugh. Nothing like entertaining yourself! I like to think that I myself am Funkasian, because Caucasian just sounds boring, and who really cares?
I love that. I need a makeover anyway. From boring health policy guy to funkasian. Can it be Phunkasian instead?
Or just tell them you’re German. Let them think about that for awhile. I actually have had people ask where my family is from, but it’s usually not phrased as “what kind of white person are you?”. More like “where did your family come to america from?”.
Uh, what did I mean “usually not phrased as”. It’s NEVER been phrased that way :P I’m tired.
My first instinct would be to say “the good kind”. However, I’d probably just make something up that sounds legit, just to see them squint. For Example:
Idiot: “What kind of Asian are you?”
Lloyd: “Abbazinian”
Idiot: “Where’s that?”
Lloyd: “The Sermon Islands”
Idiot: “Uhhh…I’ve never heard of those”
Lloyd: “Their near Lurgistan”.
Oops…shoulda been “They’re near Lurgistan”.